What You Do Next Is What Matters Most
Own, Reflect, Respond: A Guide to Managing Life's Unpredictable Moments
Something happened. Let’s call it “The Event”.
The Event could be anything. It could be something significant, something insignificant, or something in between. Maybe The Event happened because of you, because of someone else, because of no one else, or because of some combination of you, someone else, or no one else.
The variables of The Event matter little. It is your response to it that matters most.
What kind of person are you after The Event? A finger-pointer, an excuse-maker, a denier? Or someone who accepts the responsibility of responding and doing so in a positive way?
There are a number of effective strategies for responding positively when the unthinkable happens. Self-flagellation is not among those strategies:
When we have a setback at work, it can be embarrassing, and we can become excessively self-critical. Berating ourselves for something in the past, though, is not helpful. We can learn much from our mistakes and use them to catalyze our development, so long as we don’t focus our energy on criticizing ourselves.
When you unintentionally err, treat yourself as you would a friend in a similar situation. Among its many proven benefits, practicing self-compassion will support you in regaining clarity and confidence, and moving forward productively from a setback. To ensure you make your mistake a valuable learning experience, also ask yourself these two questions:
How can I prevent this from happening again in the future?
What’s one lesson I can extract from this experience?
It does not matter if you had a hand in The Event. It does not matter if you own any of the blame! What happened is done and is now part of your new reality regardless of these variables.
How you respond to The Event is your primary responsibility now. You are in charge of stewarding this new reality. You get the opportunity to learn from the experience and apply its lessons.
“We do not learn from experience. We learn from reflecting on experience.”
— John Dewey
The Event is practice. It is a test. What you choose in response to The Event is a vote for the kind of person you are going to become1. Choose wisely!
Reflect on it, accept it, take ownership of it, process any emotional reaction tied to it, and use those emotions as fuel to respond with your rational mind in a positive way. Rinse and repeat, over and over again as more Events happen.
For additional strategies regarding how to respond when the unthinkable happens, read more at the Harvard Business Review.
Here I paraphrase James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits. Clear also writes a weekly newsletter called The 3-2-1 Newsletter that is insightful and unique in its format.