The Most Profound Gift You Can Give To Others

And the best news: You can start giving this immediately!

There is no shortage of great advice available to you at any given moment. Quotable advice, at that. On the internet, in books, from friends and family, and on the television, great advice abounds.

What often is missing from the quotable advice, though, is specific action.

When you read something like "what you give to others > what you get from others" it sounds great and all, but what does it mean? How can you practice this in real life? What actually can you give?

This quotable is sticky and keeps popping up when I am interacting with other people, so I spent a lot of time thinking and writing about it lately. And the one specific actionable item, the thing that you can give to anyone at any moment, that keeps surfacing is this:

Your attention.

Adam Grant @AdamMGrant

How quickly someone answers you is rarely a sign of how much they care about you. Delayed replies to emails, texts, and calls are often symptoms of being overwhelmed. Unless it's urgent, the true test of a relationship isn't the speed of response. It's the quality of attention.

A quick story ...

My wife and I typically do not exchange gifts for holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays. We usually treat ourselves to travel and experiences in lieu of material gifts.

Last year before Christmas I told Sarah that my gift to her that year would be to start paying better attention to her. To actively listen to her, to respond to her cues and body language, and to be fully present and engaged in her presence.

Suffice it to say that I do not think this promise to her was fulfilled in the year since. I remain easily distracted by work, by the news, by my phone, and by just about anything else within eyesight or earshot, to be honest.

Steve Magness @stevemagness

Leave your phone at home. Have something you do most days where your phone is far away. Walking the dog or exercising is a great option for this. When your phone is with you, your attention is always on it...because we've trained it to. Let your brain be free for a bit.

No despair though. Because you are never a finished product. There still is time to deliver on this gift. Every day you wake up is another opportunity to get better.

So it is time again to redouble the effort. Because the simplest and most profound thing that you can give to someone else is your undivided attention. Paying attention to what you pay attention to is a superpower in our super-distracting modern world.

Dr. Julie Gurner @drgurner

Dividing your attention is diluting your power. That’s why you’re least effective when overwhelmed.

The good thing about strengthening your attention is that you can start immediately. There is no equipment necessary. You already have everything you need.

Here are six ways to start flexing your attention now:

1. Block off time on your calendar to make art, write, or do deep work.

2. Spend a couple of hours of quality time in nature every week.

3. Exercise with no devices, paying close attention to how your body is performing.

4. Start every day with 10 minutes of meditation or breath work.

5. Practice active listening with your partner, friends, family, and colleagues.

6. Silence and remove your phone from sight while sharing a meal with others.

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