The Power of Never Complaining: Lessons from Trash Day
How complaining can weaken leaders and why it's important to take action instead
"Never complain, never explain."
I am not one for the celebrity of the royal family in the United Kingdom. But this mantra is often credited as an operating procedure of the monarchy and is appealing.
Simply put, it is a directive espoused by the royals as a defense against negative perception. By staying out of he-said-she-saids and finger-pointing in the public arena, the royal family starves any flames of the oxygen needed to stay alive.
There is ample research that suggests that leaders who complain loudly and often, as well as those who are quick to blame others or external events for failings, are seen by subordinates as weak and untrustworthy. Pick up almost any modern management or leadership book, like “Extreme Ownership” by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, and you will see this discussed in great detail.
Of all the things in our modern world, what triggered this train of thought for me was trash day.
Yes, you read that right. Trash day. Stay with me here.
Trash days in my neighborhood are Mondays and Thursdays. Normally I do not see much of my neighborhood on Monday because I am away at the office. But on Thursdays, when working from home, I take routine walking breaks throughout the day to step away from work and recharge the battery.
On those Thursday walks, it is only a matter of time before you come across some trash on the ground. That trash could be there from the windy weather of southeast Louisiana, which can blow the lids off trash cans or topple the cans altogether. It could be there because of littering, either from others walking down the street or from the windows of car drivers and riders passing through the neighborhood.
Regardless, there is trash on the ground and you notice it. What do you do? There are some options:
Leave it on the ground
Leave it on the ground and complain
Pick it up and throw it away and complain
Pick it up and throw it away
Complaining about it is an option, sure. It might even feel good to complain and to blame other people for the state of affairs in your community, at least for a moment.
But complaining stops feeling good. It leads toward apathy and bitterness. And consistent complaining is such an undesirable trait, especially for leaders, because it pushes those closest to you away from you. Chronic complainers are seen as untrustworthy, entitled, and lacking accountability.
"If it is endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining."
— Marcus Aurelius
Remember not to confuse complaining, much like despairing, with action. It does nothing to solve the problem right in front of your face. And even when coupled with action, complaining leaves you bitter and weakens your relationships.
The best course of action is to pick up the trash and throw it away and move along with your day. If you cannot catch a litterer in the act and there is trash on the ground in front of you, then you are just as responsible for that trash now as anyone else.
Stop looking for someone else to blame. Stop waiting for someone else to act. You can do something about the trash on the ground.
This is, after all, your environment too!
Pick up the trash. Never complain about the task that comes to you, no matter where it comes from.
It can be endured, and you can do so without creating any more suffering for yourself and for those around you.